blogsdon.

August 8, 2008

opening ceremonies

Filed under: Uncategorized — blogsdon @ 11:56 am

In honor of the olympics, I offer this hypothetical sporting match for debate:

The Nutty Professor vs. Big Momma.



VS.


IN THIS HYPOTHETICAL MATCH-UP we are assuming that Big Momma is REAL and not just FBI Agent Malcom Turner in a fat costume. Thus, Big Momma is no longer just a character. She is 100% real. Also, the Nutty Professor (AKA Sherman Klump) cannot shapeshift into the skinnier and slightly less nutty Buddy Love during the match, nor can he enlist an entire dinner table full of Klumps to back him up. I am enforcing these preconditions so this is a straight up Fat Fight without any external variables. This is NOT simply Eddie Murphy in a fat suit vs. Martin Lawrence in a fat suit. Much like how a debate of Batman vs. Superman is not a debate of Christian Bale vs. Christopher Reeve. This is also not a question of which movie is better, because that is unknowable.

My prediction: Sherman Klump. Sure, Big Momma has attitude and plenty of sass, but Sherman is a ticking time bomb ready to explode after years of insecure fat anguish. Plus he’s like really smart.

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3 Comments »

  1. I agree. (Clapping my hands) Hercules, Hercules!!

    Comment by spencerham — August 8, 2008 @ 12:08 pm | Reply

  2. i think you’re underestimating the boiling rage that would most likely be festering inside a Uncle Tom’d Mrs. Doubtfire menial labor housekeeper. and who better to take it out on than her smart, successful counterpart? besides, in hand to hand combat women are tenacious and go for any reticence or vulnerability, which i’m sure the professor would exhibit in a fight.

    Comment by spavis — August 8, 2008 @ 12:16 pm | Reply

  3. I agree with Sarah, Don’t nobody mess with Big Mama. one swift kick to the professors nuts and she would reign supreme. She’s older and wiser and probably been through her fair share of scrapes. I don’t think Sherman has it in him to hit a woman. He would just sit there and take it. And then eat a whole fried chicken.

    Comment by christina — August 8, 2008 @ 12:25 pm | Reply


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